Hi! This is me. You wouldn’t know it, but big things are happening inside this cabeza. Tiny thoughts, ideas, hopes and enduring fantasies that have been tumbling around in the corners of my mind for years have suddenly jettisoned to the forefront of my consciousness in an epiphany-like fashion.
This past year has been one of great self discovery; one in which I did a lot of unintentional self work as a result of many missteps and not showing myself the care and attention that I deserve.
I decided to distance myself from negative people and relationships, focussed more on my kids, made time for more meaningful experiences with my partner and tried to really face my need for validation head on (note: this is a work in progress).
Throughout all of this self improvement turmoil, I had also been thinking, planning – agonizing really – about creating a space where I could combine my love of writing with the things that interest me.
And then came the impostor…
What if no one reads it?
What if people read it and think my content sucks?
What if my writing is too personal?
What if my content is disjointed?
What if my photos and videos look ridiculously amateur?
What if? What if? What if?
Cut to this past Friday when I found myself in Chapters and spotted the book You Are A Bad Ass. At the time I didn’t know why, but I felt an incredible urge to buy this book. I am so glad I did because it was the kick in the pants I needed (that and Oprah’s speech at the Golden Globes this past Sunday) to let go of limiting beliefs that have been acting as a barrier to my authenticity, creativity and ultimately my happiness.
It’s time to shit or get off the pot and, frankly, I am ready for a system-clearing purge so here we go!
I think resolutions are stupid as they are usually predicated on some sort of deep seated self loathing so I prefer to set goals instead every new year.
2018 is the year of no fear. I am tired of being afraid and having fear and anxiety deprive me of opportunities and experiences. Time to start taking some risks and actually enjoy living.
And you know what? Some of my “what ifs” may be true, but fuck it!
Welcome to The Aging Amazon!